oh blog.
october 21, 2008 08:18 p.m.
i think i may join 'the end of the blog' revolution. i admit to looking at josh's facebook to keep up with what folks are doing. i don't have much time for this these days. but it might come back in another form at another time.
'night,
z
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these days
september 26, 2008 01:50 p.m.
it's quiet right now. we've had a day of swimming and there's a book to be read in our buccaneer ship later. the sky is the definition of a blue sky. i do love the end of september.
i've lost a little more control of this life. i've gone ahead and taken mazzy out of the public schools. this is day two of "homeschool" as abe likes to call it. i'm feeling a little woozy with the undefined nature of my choice. but my choice is not against a system and my choice was not because i believe in a type of education. my choice was to obey jesus.
a long time ago i wrote about this topic. i think a couple of you had some things to say about it then. but it's been a long time of saying no. you say no enough times that folks just stop asking you. god works that way, too. i heard it again from him recently and i knew if i said no this time, i wouldn't hear it anymore.
that was enough.
i've lived through the fruit of telling god no. i've watched things unfold that i knew were a result of not being obedient. i've watched god redeem, marveling always on what he is capable of. but this time i've got the chance to say yes now. to enter into the plan on it's onset, not seeing how the plans had to be rearranged on account of me. that's the life i want nowadays.
it seems we who follow jesus have a habit of hearing god and saying no. no, that's not what i had in mind. i trust you lord. i want to see your will done here. but no. not today. or tomorrow. no.
this must be what jeremiah means when he says,"this is what the LORD says: "stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls. but you said, 'we will not walk in it."
i've loved that verse for so long. and i've refused to own the last sentence for about as long, too. but ain't it the truth? we will not walk in it. well, i'm trying. i'm trying to walk in it, lord. help me.
if i give up quickly and with little fanfare, i'll expect you to nod sympathetically and acknowledge that at least i tried. otherwise, life is about to get that much harder. or easier. or both.
~z
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i should be asleep
september 08, 2008 08:03 p.m.
it's six minutes until 9pm. i should have gone to bed an hour ago. but no. i've been looking around online. i've looked at blogs mostly. who says the blog is dead? i see friends who are dispersing themselves all around the globe to love like jesus, believing he saves.
it's been a long, long, really long time since i wrote here. i still read, i just don't write. everything falls away these days. september with school aged children is unlike the other septembers i've known.
this is funny. i went to take abe to soccer practice. i loaded all three kids into my (sweet) minivan and sat down, ready to back out of the driveway, and it occurred to me. i got these dreadlocks so i'll still have some remnant of life that is other than soccer mom in small van.
dreadlocks. that's right. dreads. and locks. a lot of them, too. i've got the skinny dreads going on. i'm entering my second week of life with them. and most of the time i'm really thrilled about it. there are moments when i'm like, i spent what on what? but it is finished.
it's only hair.
everyone is asleep, josh is not here, the house...is quiet. i should brush my teeth and lay down. i think i will, i think i will.
~z
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time is spelled m-i-n-e
august 07, 2008 12:30 p.m.
my children are at the lake for four days with my folks. oh yeah. oh yeah. oh yeah.
baby is still here, but you know what, she can't walk yet, so it's all good. i really need this.
the summer has been great. and it's been hard. the 'three kid summer' i like to call it. i've been thankful as my mom and my mom-in-law have supported me each week to have some alone time. can i get an amen? but still. four days is another animal. an animal i like and want to pet and just hang out with and feed sweet morsels of meat and cake.
i took a nap. a nap, people! hear me now. it was only like 50 minutes, but hey, that's why it's called a nap. and then i made the hittinest iced latte. it's good. it's really good! and after it's effects kick in i will begin to buzz around and clean this house.
so.
that's what i'm doing.
~z
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vibrating chairs
july 28, 2008 07:27 a.m.
baby is fussy. sort of a talking smiley fussy that is very sweet. abraham is dressed in full policeman garb and has handcuffed eleanor to a table. my bible is opened to 1 samuel 17 and my coffee cup is not half full or half empty, it just is.
enjoy your day,
zena
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follow the yellow brick road
june 30, 2008 11:17 a.m.
hello!
links. that's what i have for you today. links. the first one is wonderful, wonderful. the national down syndrome congress is putting together public service campaign called, 'more alike than different." it's amazing. there are several commercials at the bottom of the page i'm linking to, watch them all, please.
more alike
and then there's this one. a devotional link, if you will. take the time and watch it why don't ya?
peace i give to you
enjoy!
z
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good thing
june 14, 2008 02:21 p.m.
limits are a good thing.
today i went to get a latte. decaf and soy weren't options. then i headed to aldi. you buy the aldi brand. period. lastly we headed out to the blue nile for dinner. ethiopian. meat or vegetarian. that's it. that's the menu. it was amazing.
i could benefit from less choices.
~z
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willing and able
june 12, 2008 05:44 p.m.
when i lived in chicago the faint, lace early years of marriage, i took a job. i was told where to show up, so i drove to a quiet tree lined street and saw something you'd never imagine. children off the grid.
children that had been in and out of enough foster homes to land here. children whose parents had enough of the behaviors, the fighting and the violence. children that were little more than lap dogs on their medication and predatory without it. oh, and they all were deaf.
i'd been taking sign language classes though a center in a north suburb and found out about the job. day shift in a group home. the staff was deaf and the kids were, too. i'd taken three or four classes and i was presumptive, i thought i could work there. when they had me tour the home before i started, i stared. i'd never seen anything like it. children the world did not display along with people whose hands flew with the agility of tongues. i understood the smallest fraction of that silent, rejected world which resided in that house. i signed one word before i left, 'no', when asked if i'd ever worked with deaf kids before. but i did it. i came back. i went there everyday until we moved to ohio.
lately i've been thinking about two of the kids in particular. the two whose parents were still involved. the ones that picked them up on friday (sometimes) and dropped them off on monday. these kids were tough to manage, no doubt. but how did the families reconcile it?
having a child with a disability, i feel like i can judge a little bit, right? wrong, but oh well, here i am with my blog.
our life has been harder lately. it's been a little like swimming upstream without water. it's been frustrating. in my mind i began to target the challenges of disability as the crux. but i was wrong. the true core of our problem was our inability to change.
if your life isn't working in some respect, throwing the baby out with the bathwater isn't the answer. the answer looks more like; being bold enough to change expectations. being brave enough to accept that your world may look very, very different than even the stranger lives you've known before it. and that's where we find ourselves these days.
the biggest temptation is not a group home. no. the biggest temptation is to do things the same way as before and blame those least responsible.
i've got to go. a baby crying on my shoulder and plans to get to in a little bit here, but it's been on my mind. i wonder about austin and ariel.
the little boy who'd need at least two basket holds a day and look out if you didn't put a pillow between you to block the head butts. the little girl that would not respond to any consequence for her random, destructive actions until the day i discovered if i made her sit in a chair facing a wall, it was enough to make her begin to think that maybe, just maybe, she'd begin to consider listening to someone. where are they now, ten years later?
~z
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abe moments
june 09, 2008 08:00 a.m.
abe: do you know who the best shaver in the world is?
mom: who?
abe: jesus. he shaves us.
mom: jesus shaves?
abe: yes. he shaves his whole body and he shaves us. he shaves mouths that have long mustaches.
_____________________
abe holds a bumper sticker.
"mom! this says recycle!"
yes, abe, it does.
"we can recycle our whole world! yippee!!"
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wonder time
may 27, 2008 04:38 p.m.
the day has been good.
i think all of my days could be good if i'd receive them with joy. it was a very mommish day. library in the morning, nature center in the afternoon.
oh...and no time to myself.
but that's the game these days folks. that's the game. pray for mazzy if you think to. this week we plan her first official year of kindergarten with the district. wow. i think it'll go well, but you never know.
boring. isn't it?
~z
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